Getting into baby rehab, aka sleep school, has been my mission for the past month now.

After the crushing experience that was our very brief and fleeting success with Elizabeth Pantley’s No Cry Sleep Solution, I decided that it was impossible to make a long-term change to Luca’s sleep patterns without professional help. I also spoke to several people whose babies had just gone from waking repeatedly throughout the night, to sleeping through, thanks solely to a short stay at sleep school.

Interestingly one of the recommendations came from the same person who, months ago, enthusiastically recommended I read the book Save Our Sleep. It seems Tizzie Hall’s routines were no match for a teething baby. And it also seems the book was no match for a can of petrol and a cigarette lighter. I’m keeping mine for old times sake.

So after finally coming to terms with the fact that I wasn’t able to ‘fix’ Luca myself, I spent the next month desperately hoping I would get accepted.

Here are my tips for getting into sleep school;

1. Apply to get in straight after the doctor says ‘It’s a boy!’ or ‘It’s a girl’ or in our case, ‘So, what have you got there?’

I left it way too late and by the time I really needed it (and I mean REALLY needed it) it was quite devastating to find out that might be months before I got a place, if at all.

2. Be creative with your application; embellish, expand and exaggerate the truth.

The majority of sleep schools are publicly run and covered by medicare, which makes them free, and this means everyone wants to get in. To make sure the most desperate cases get seen first they employ a priority system, which means unless you are a heroin addict, alcoholic or just seriously messed up, you go straight to the back of the queue – and what a queue that is!

3. Resist the urge to reach down the phone and strangle the über cheery receptionist with the high lilting voice who tells you it will be at least another week before anyone even rings you back.

These people are obviously employed to reduce the number of people applying for admission. They do this by attempting to sap your will to live and your determination to get to the front of the queue. At first I simply thought they were unsympathetic imbeciles, but apparently this is not so.

4. Say yes to everything and don’t ask any questions.

The bookings person will eventually phone you, and when they do, don’t say anything that might make them rethink the place they are about to offer you. Don’t question their methods, or the facilities, or even their name if you didn’t happen to catch it the first time around. Just write down that date and thank them profusely.

Then hang up the phone, go to the calendar, and start marking off the days…for me, this is only 2 more! It’s almost like waiting for Christmas.

Advertisement